toxic relationships

while walking back from math class with my friend the other day, i realized something surprising. recently, i feel much more happier (excuse my grammar, i'm not writing a novel okay, this is just to puaskan my hati), a sense of freedom and fulfillment that was eluding me for the past 9 months is finally in my grasp. i don't have any worries (except my last math test punya marks, effing unbelievable) and i am surrounded by people who loved me genuinely (granted i missed a few calls from my mum because i was away from my phone and i'm a bit bummed by that, but it'll be okay. sorry ma, love you!).

at the end of the day, i realized that being single was better than being trapped and tricked into a toxic relationship. i mean, whats the point of having a relationship when you are reminded incessantly of past infidelities and mountains of lies? i need to grow up, become an adult. and i think, you need too. take responsibilities for your lies, failures, and mistakes. you may think that you are THE man, but no, the lies will catch up to you someday (i fear that the catching up has already begun). yes, you failed. accept that. yes, you lied to every single person who ever cared about you (your friends, parents, etc). make amends. ask for forgiveness. it's not too late. i fear that someday, when we have made far too many mistakes, we'll lose our conscience. and when that happens, i fear that you'll truly become a bad person. and i'd hate that. get angry, get mad, be repentant. you wanted to start anew, make it count this time.

well, back to the main point, i'm sorry that your life sucks (you'll probably say "i'll show you whose life will suck more. i just want to become rich and i know i will and can. bla bla bla"). but you know what, your karma points are wayyy below negative and sitting on your ass all day won't help in the getting rich department either. i wish you well, for i'd hate to be in your place. but for now, i am content. very content. and it is not contented, just content. you were toxic, in every aspect. you hated your friends, you took your life for granted, took the liberties you had for granted and lived your life with such deep sated hatred and carelessness that would've made me cringe if i had known it from the start.

hey, this is just my two cents. you can make your own decisions, you're old enough. but remember, the end does NOT always justify the means. and you might wonder, 'eh, kalau happy sangat tu, kenapa perlu ungkit2 yang dh lepas?' kan? so, this is the last time i will ever mention you or recognize that you were a part of my life. my very own closure. my way of letting go. granted, its not a very mature one. but one that i deserve nonetheless. :D

xoxo, yayang.